foolishness

So, I realize this blog might be foolish, but I've wanted to do this for a long time. I wanted to capture my thoughts on this wild ride towards (and someday into) parenthood. I have wanted to be a mom forever. Well, as long as I can remember. When I was 16 I learned that it most likely would not be an easy journey, since I was diagnosed with Turner's Syndrome. This doesn't affect much for me, except say, oh, the ability to have children.

I remember feeling like I was "wierd" or a "misfit". I don't remember, however, feeling angry at the fact that I wouldn't conceive. I trusted that I could have kids whether miraculously through God, or adoption, or other fertility measures. As I grew up I doubted it would even matter, I didn't see myself getting married any time soon. Eventually I met my incredible husband, and mangaged to tell him the personal area of my life. We were married in May of 2008, and for a while we tossed around ideas of what we would do when we were ready to have children.

Eventually, that time came. We started down the very long road of IVF. In March of 2009 we started the testing that would lead to IVF. It was invasive and it was very hard to get an appointment. Things fell through. We reached the end of our affordable possibilities, and by May of 2010 we were ready to go through with Adoption instead.

It was a very hard transition. I had always been fine with adoption. I knew that was the best and most probable option for 13 years before this point. However, we had gotten the run around from the fertility place we were using, and I had gotten my hopes up. I had locked myself out of our house when the call from the fertility clinic came, and it was a rough afternoon for sure. Our anniversary none-the-less. I cried and pittied myself for a couple hours, and eventually came to the realization that GOD is good, and GOD is in control. He knows how I feel, and he placed this desire to be a mom inside me. I have FULL confidence now that God is directing all of this, even when I can't see it. This gives me peace. This is how I begin my blog, at the very beginning of the adoption process.