So this is what parenting should feel like...

So I am sitting here with Nikki watching Dora, and I have this sense that this is what parenting should feel like.  Happiness, accomplishments, good days, and laughing...

I realize that there are bad days, and I'm not expecting parenting to be perfect and happy all the time, honestly I realize this.  We have just had so many hard tough days, and it's SO nice to get that sense ... THIS is what parenting should feel like.  I feel like it's a glimpse from God as to what parenting might feel like all the time someday.  It makes me so happy.

Let me share some of the accomplishments of the day:

1.  Nikki has had THREE "perfect" days in the past 6 days.  She has had a lot of trouble with being non compliant, yelling, even some aggression and spitting.  Nothing hurts me more then to see her binder at the end of the day when she hasn't been able to control herself... knowing she has hurt someone or spit at her teachers.  She gets a sticker from her teachers for a good day.  Most days, even if she gets 2 or 3, sometimes even 4 "bad marks" she still gets a sticker.  Her check system isn't meant to be negative... it just lets us know where and what she had a hard time with.  Some days she gets 10 or more checks.  BUT, in the past 6 days, she has had 3 days with NO checks... this is HUGE progress!!

2.  Jackson had another successful day potty training.  He has been really good peeing on the potty for a while... but the other business has been much tougher, and taken months!  Tonight Jackson had another success in that department, making like 3 or 4 successes in the toilet... and each one (hopefully) brings him closer to really being potty trained.  He is also starting school in less then 3 weeks, and I'm SO excited to see how quickly he gains ground... I can't wait for him to be in school!

3.  We are continually being told how great Alli is doing... she is ahead of the game, advanced for her age.  Her EI person was shocked when we told her she has started saying things like "Horsey go?" (Where did the horsey go?) and "my daddy bye bye" (My daddy went bye bye).  She is getting manners, animal and animal sounds, and even some body parts already.  I asked her EI lady if they really have been focusing on that, and she said that she just picks up things really quickly.  Her EI lady also decreased her visits to 2x a month, even thought the department wants her to keep getting services because she is just doing so well.

4.  "happy moments"... I don't talk a lot about it... but these wonderful children can be very needy, and very overwhelming...  not only did we go from 0-3 kids all at once... we went to having 3 children, 2 of which have significant delays... and to top if all off we have had a horrible experience with DCF, to say the least, and they are more then frustrating most of the time.  It is taxing on us emotionally, physically, and probably the most, on our time.  It's hard to juggle work when there are constant appointments for them.... so these "happy moments" are what keep me going... and there have been a lot lately... Here are just a couple...

- Nikki made up this song about her "raspberry soda"(carbonated water)... Tracy introduced her to this concept and she LOVES it... This is her song-  "Raspberry soda, straight to my heart!" (picture this with dramatic singing, hand motions, and very over dramatic facial expressions)

-  Jackson is obsessed with his shoes from Auntie Liz.  5 dollar "cool kid" ked type shoes.  Auntie Liz tried to get him to try on fancy shoes, and he kept telling her "nope!"... but she found the 5 dollar fake keds and took off his sneakers and stuck his foot up in the air for her.  Now it's hard to get him to take them off. Hilarious.

-Alli likes to sit on the toilet. She had some gas, and I just jokingly asked her if she needed to go potty.  She proceeded to jump up, said Poop!, grabbed her book,and walked right to the potty.  I helped her take her diaper off, she sat on the potty, grunted, and then kept looking behind her into the potty to see if anything had magically appeared.  I am in NO way trying to train her... she's at like step "2" of a "50" step process... but... I just thought it was sooo funny... I wish I could post the video :-).


I hope you have enjoyed the happenings as much as I have.

One step forward, two steps back...

So,

    Now we just spent the past 2 1/2 hours talking with the children's adoption homestudy social worker, which, of course, is on top of the children's social worker that has free reign of our house, as does our social worker, and the attorney.  2 1/2 hours of trying to cook dinner, clean up pee accidents (because he always has them after a parent visit), chase a manic 4 year old, clean up dinner, put pajamas on 3 young children, and talk to this woman.  We had to tell this woman about the history of all three children... this is all information which the other social workers already know.  The children's social worker brought out the children so she could do her monthly visit at the same time as the other lady, but, ended up leaving shortly after dropping them off.  This most likely means that in the next two weeks we'll have to do the whole thing over again for her. 

She did, however, stay long enough to tell us that the birth dad is back in the picture.  This means that he will get one visit a month after he talks with the social workers and supervisors.  This means that the visits just went up to 3 a month... instead of 2 a month.  He gets his own because they are now seperated.  The social worker also wants to do back to back visits.  This would mean once a month the visit would most likely be from 2-4.  This means that Alli and Jackson would be picked up around 12:30.  They would have no nap except for whatever happened in the car ride.  MAXIMUM of 30 minutes.  total.  then they sit cooped up in DCF offices for 2 hours, and we get to deal with the aftermath yet again.  Nikki would get picked up 12:15/12:30 as well... and would miss a lot of school.  We will see how the next few weeks pan-out.  However, we are going to be very strong on the fact that these babies need their naptime... it's not fair to make them suffer.  It's just hard because we were finally making progress, and now it's not really any better then before (if not a little worse).

If you think of it, we would love some prayers.  Thank you!!

Good News!

I finally have some good news to share... and I finally feel like the adoption is FINALLY moving forward (It only took a year!)

Recently we have been more and more frustrated with DCF.  I'll spare the details, but, we've had to stick up for ourselves and what the kids need.  We aren't letting them walk all over us anymore.  They didn't really like that.  They decided we needed a meeting because "we're not on the same page".  Translation?  "No, no, no, you're not bending over backwards anymore... let me tell you how this really works".  They decided to give a weeks notice, and make the meeting for the middle of the day.  They told us we both had to be there.  We went back and forth several times.  They didn't seem to care at all that I JUST started a new job last week. (I promise this is a "happy" post).  We finally "compromised" that I would leave work at 2 today and take the horrible meeting as a conference call, but Steve had to be there... no question about that.  When the meeting came, one of the supervisors didn't even come, they conferenced in!  They started the meeting with Steve, and never once asked to bring my into the conversation.  Steve let them keep going because he knew I didn't want to have any part of the conversation.  So, there it was, I had left work at 2, for no reason, with a brand new job!  I was sitting at Target waiting for them to call... making my grocery list.  I finally just went in and did the shopping anyways.  Needless to say, I was very angry that they forced me to leave work early, for no reason.

Anyways, let me get to the happy news... K?  The visits have been reduced!!!!  This has been one of the hardest parts of the last year.  Every single week there is that reminder that this isn't finished, this reminder for the kids of what they used to have.  Jackson has accidents for a day or two after the visit, and Nikki is so manic when she gets home that we can't get her to sit still.  We have been waiting for this day a LONG time...  this "once a week" stuff isn't helping anyone.  Today we were told that they are going to be biweekly, and late fall/early winter they will go down to monthly!!  It is very very good news to us.

Also, they are starting to fall apart.  The birth mom and birth dad have separated, and Dad realizes that he isn't going to win.  He is in the process of giving up his rights completely on his own because he realizes he can't do it.  I'm happy about it, but not at the same time.  I thought I would be so glad for them to fall apart, so glad that they're losing the kids.  But, I find it weird, I'm actually sad for them.  I'm not saying this to come off as super amazing, but, I feel sorry for them.  I feel empathy, not gloating or joy.  I am happy that things are really falling into place for us.  I'm really not worried at all that the kids won't be with us forever.  It's good news for us, and for the kids... but I can't help feel sad for them because I know deep down they love the kids, but they just can't take care of them the way they need to.

All that being said, there is still a LONG time to go, an LONG time to be patient.  Pre-trial is set for February, and trial is for a few days in March and a few days in April.  We would still love your prayers and support.

A whole year!

I have been a mom for a whole year.  In some ways, it seems like just yesterday, in other ways, it feels like I've always been their mom!  Last Sunday we celebrated a year with having Nikki in our family, and this Sunday, we will celebrate a year with Jackson and Alli.  So, since it's been a whole year, (and almost 5 months since I blogged) I think it's time for some updates.

Nikki-  Nikki had a hard summer.  The schedule and routine was a bit much for her.  While bedtime continued to get better (on the whole), she was still having 2-3 tantrums a day.  In the Spring she was having 2-3 a week...  but I think the routine just made things that much harder for her.  The nice thing to see, however, was that they were much shorter lived then they used to be, and sometimes we could stop the melt down before it happened. She has only been in school for 2 days, but they have been good days.  She LOVES her teachers and her school, and I am so thankful for that.

She is also staying dry overnight now.  Give it a few more days, and I just might be brave enough to do "unders" overnight! (maybe :-))

Jackson-  Jackson is using his words to communicate now.  While he still reverts to whining and melting down, he is doing it less.  He is starting to realize that words can get him something, and that is a blessing.  He will start preschool the end of October (when he turns 3), and I can't wait for him to get even more help

He is also pretty-much pee trained!  He got it in a week too, which I thought was impressive given his delays.  The only time he has accidents is after his parent visits.  We are still waiting for him to grasp "# 2"... stay tuned ...

Alli-  Oh my, Alli!  She is a spit-fire!  She has been climbing forever.  Now she moves furniture to help her get up on everything, and even over gates!  She is walking everywhere, and loves her new found sense of freedom. 

She is also talking up a storm.  Her favorite words are Alli, Jackson, No, up/down, thank you, and hi.  She also says cat, dog, stuck, more, oops, and wow.  On top of that, she also repeats just about everything that is said.  She is so bright.  She watches everything that is going on, and is learning all the time from the things around her.

All five of us had a good summer.  We had a chance to spend sometime with family in New York and Maine... which is always fun.  The kids got to go to Bustin's Island, and they LOVED the crabs.  They also got to go on "big boats", kayaks, a pony, and do many more "summer" things.

Even though we enjoyed the summer, I think most of me is ready for the routine and cooler temperatures of the Fall.

Jackson and the cast

So why does my 2 year old have a cast, you might ask? Good question... I'm honestly sure what happened. Sunday afternoon we were playing outside and he seemed fine. Later in the afternoon he was doing a lot more sitting then he normally does. When we came in he threw a tantrum, he was not ready to come inside. Once he was calm I told him to come here, and that's when I noticed he was limping. We watched him for the night, knowing the ER would be pointless. He seemed perfectly fine, just didn't want to walk. Yesterday morning it wasn't any better, so Steve took him to the Dr. They did X rays... and they said that there might be a slight hairline fracture behind the left big toe.. but they weren't sure. They gave us a temporary splint/cast and sent us home. This morning I was home with all three kids. They were in Ok moods. Alli was a little fussier then normal, and Jackson was just annoyed with the thing on his foot. He kept trying to take it off. Thankfully daycare was an option, so I dropped off the girls, and took Jackson to the Orthopedist. Before the orthopedist, we had to wait at least 15 minutes at the pediatrician to get the x rays. For some reason, I had to bring them to the Dr. Mind you, this was after going to two different daycares to drop the girls off. After the pediatrician, we drove over to the ortho doctor. He watched him walk to me, still limping. He said that he wouldn't normally cast a slight hairline fracture. However, it was my lucky day. Because Jackson is so young, and so active, he decided to cast it to protect his foot and help him be more careful with it. We were sent down stairs to wait, yet again, for him to get his cast. We waited for close to 90 minutes. This was during the middle of his normal naptime. He threw a few mini tantrums, but, all in all, he did an ok job waiting. Finally we were called back to get the cast. he did really well, until they had to use the drill thing to trim around the toes. He has become scared of loud noises lately, so I knew this wasn't going to be fun. Thankfully, he did better then I expected. He cried, but never screamed... he was a brave little man.

Now for the fun part. He'll have the cast for 4 weeks... which means no water, no baths... and we have to watch for it coming loose or causing sores on his foot.

The scariest part, though, is how the birth parents will react. The social worker will tell them, and hopefully absorb the brunt of their anger. I'm hoping it blows over quickly.

The "good" part of the whole thing, though, is that it never seemed to hurt him very much, unless he was trying to walk. he is also allowed to walk on it. So, once he figures out how to walk with the cast, I'm sure there will be no stopping him... UGH... life with 2 year old boys :-)

crawling, potty training, and adoption updates...

It has been quite a while since the last update, but the Gardner family is BUSY (as always).

Nikki is pretty much daytime potty-trained. She has only had 2 accidents in the past couple weeks, and one of those was pretty legitimate. I can't even begin to tell you how AWESOME it is to have less diapers to change every day, and to be (mostly) past the poop-in-the-underwear phase. She's doing great at it, and it's becoming very automatic for her. I LOVE it! She continues to be adapting and maturing. She still has some behavior problems, but, I can see how she has grown, and it is very encouraging. Bedtime is hit-or-miss, and she is in a "funk" of screaming at bedtime again. However, I'm sure that will get better too.

Jackson is talking more all the time. he is getting into those "terrible twos" and has some outbursts, more then he used to. However, I feel it isn't any more then a typical 2 year old.

Alli is in the most amazing stage right now. She's just gotten 2 teeth, moved from "army" crawling to real crawling, and has even pulled herself up to a stand once! She gives the most amazing smiles, giggles, and is now waving at us. She melts my heart every day.

Me? I'm still learning to be patient, and not expect them to be perfect. I have a long way to go, but, just maybe, there is some extra grace since I've been thrust into "mommy boot camp".

The adoption process is coming... slowly. I'm trying to be patient and rely on God's perfect timing. The past two court dates have just kept things "in process"... no real progress, but more time to see how things go with the birth parents. In May there will be a court date where I am almost certain that they will make their ruling, and that the courts will rule in favor of us, that they should stay with us. The Mom can either decide to "agree" and give up her rights. This would mean it would be a shorter process, but the mom would have one visit a year. Most likely, the birth mom will decide to fight the decision, and there will be a real trial for permanency. This could start end of summer, and go well into the fall. This would mean that once we won, the mom would have no rights. Both sides have positives and negatives. Please be praying that whatever God wants will be accomplished in the birth parents, the children, and in our lives.

Christmas, and then some...

It's been a while, so I figured it was time for an update. Our first Christmas together was nice, to a degree. I guess I thought it would be like the Thomas Kinkade paintings, so sweet, and I could savor every minute. Instead, it was a whirlwind. I should have expected that.:-)
Christmas Eve was rough. Steve was away most of the day on-call, and we didn't get to spend much time together. He was home for a couple hours just before Lunch, and we managed to open all our presents together then. That night was very nice. We went to Grace Chapel's Christmas Eve service at 6, and it was perfect timing. It wasn't too packed, the kids did well checking in and going to the nursery (for the most part), and leaving wasn't bad either. I love Christmas carols and the candle light aspect. It was nice to really enjoy it.

We spent the night as Steve's parents house and had a nice/calm waking up the next day (no, really, not being sarcastic). Jackson woke up quietly and snuggled for a bit, and then Nikki woke up a little later. There's a new playroom at grammie and grampies, and they LOVE it... and so do we! We can send them downstairs, and keep the toys downstairs. They only hard part was that Nikki and Jackson kept talking all their cousin's toys. They didn't understand that all the toys aren't for them.

This coming weekend we will finish the Christmas season with my parents, my sister, and her boyfriend. I can't wait!

I'll finish this post with some new "happenings" in the Gardner house:

Both Jackson and Nikki think they have a fool-proof plan to get out of trouble. 1. Stop in your tracks. 2. smile, and look cute at the person who caught you. 3. (and the most important) wave and say "hi". So far, it hasn't worked... but...they're sticking to it and MAN is it funny! (most of the time)

Also, Jackson has turned into an instigator, BIG TIME! He'll do anything and everything to make Nikki and scream. It's not a very charming trait, we're working on that one!

I feel like table manners MAY be starting to evolve... maybe... They're doing slightly better taking bites, and not pulling apart everything. Also, Jackson is doing much better with his silverware.

Finally, Alli is becoming more and more mobile. She still isn't crawling(thank goodness!), but she's rolling around to get everywhere!

Have a great week!