Things are close to the end. However, I feel like they have been "close to the end" for a long time. We have finished the classes, finished all the paperwork, and had our visits with the social worker. The only thing we need is for our references and fingerprints to go through, and for our social worker to finish the home study. Then, of course, we're not really at the end; we're merely waiting for the right placement. What a wild ride!
We had our fingerprints done before Thanksgiving. We were worried about Steve's fingerprints going through because they had had a hard time reading them when he was fingerprinted for his gun license. I, on the other hand, had been fingerprinted several times before for teaching certificates and teaching jobs. I had never had a problem. I received an email from our social worker telling me that my prints hadn't gone through. So, I'm going in tomorrow to try and get it to work.
It's been a while since I last posted, but I don't feel any closer or further from getting a placement. However, I have been learning a lesson. A great lesson. The longer time passes, the less obsessed I am with the adoption process. I still have my moments, but it's not like it was earlier. I'm learning to be more content, more focused on the here and now. It's something I've really wanted for a long time. I've always been one who has been looking forward to the next big event. I'm realizing more and more that I'm not in control of this, just as a normal pregnancy isn't in the control of the mom. I'm learning to sit back, trust God, and enjoy the ride!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Getting Closer
So...
I finally feel like we're getting closer! We had been in a sort of "limbo" for two weeks. We kept leaving messages but our social worker didn't respond until Tuesday. She's great, but, she's only part-time and really busy. She said she could come on Wednesday night, so, we quickly agreed. This visit is the second of three. Only one more! This visit was so she could get a sense of us "individually". She met with me for close to an hr, and then with Steve for 45 minutes or so. She asked us about our growing up and our marriage. It still seems a little strange to be going so in depth with a stranger. Thankfully she is nice and easy-going. It doesn't feel like an interrogation. The final visit is Monday November 15th. I can't believe that our side of the deal it almost here.
Then comes the waiting. I almost think the waiting will be harder. Right now it doesn't occupy all my thoughts, I know there's still another month or so before everything is set and ready. However, once I know we're approved... I'll be carrying my cell phone on me all the time. We have to be ready, but not obsessing about it. How hard is that? Prepared, but patient. Man, this is going to be tough! :-)
I finally feel like we're getting closer! We had been in a sort of "limbo" for two weeks. We kept leaving messages but our social worker didn't respond until Tuesday. She's great, but, she's only part-time and really busy. She said she could come on Wednesday night, so, we quickly agreed. This visit is the second of three. Only one more! This visit was so she could get a sense of us "individually". She met with me for close to an hr, and then with Steve for 45 minutes or so. She asked us about our growing up and our marriage. It still seems a little strange to be going so in depth with a stranger. Thankfully she is nice and easy-going. It doesn't feel like an interrogation. The final visit is Monday November 15th. I can't believe that our side of the deal it almost here.
Then comes the waiting. I almost think the waiting will be harder. Right now it doesn't occupy all my thoughts, I know there's still another month or so before everything is set and ready. However, once I know we're approved... I'll be carrying my cell phone on me all the time. We have to be ready, but not obsessing about it. How hard is that? Prepared, but patient. Man, this is going to be tough! :-)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Theology of Adoption
I'm reading this incredible book called "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore. It was given to me by my awesome brother and sister in law. I started reading it, and wasn't quite sure at first. There is a lot of theology in it. Even though I went to Bible school, I must admit I've never been a huge fan of straight theology, I'm much more experiential and relational, for better or worse. Once I really got into the book, I have found it incredible. Even though I've been too busy to make it past page 35 (so far), there are many highlighted and underlined parts already. It is an incredible balance between personal experience and easy to understand theology. While I obviously don't believe every family is called to adopt, this book does a great job giving life to the way that we have been adopted by Christ in our own right. I've never really thought about things quite this way before. One part so far has especially hit me. Listen to this slightly conterversial picture the book paints on page 29.
"Imagine for a momeny that you're adopting a child. As you meet with the social worker in the last stage of the process, you're told that this twelve-year-old has been in and out of psychotherapy since he was 3. He persists in burning things." (The book goes into more graphic detail that I will spare you from). "[the social worker] continues with a little family history. This boy's father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather all had histories of violence, ranging from spousal abuse to serial murder. each of them ended life the same way, death by suicide. Think for a minute. Would you want this child? If you did adopt him, wouldn't you keep your eye on him as he played with your other children? Would you watch him nervously as he looks at the butcher knife on the kitchen table? Would you leave the room as he watched a movie on television with your daughter, with the lights out?"
"Well, he's you. And he's me. That's what the gospel is telling us. Our birth father has fangs. And left to ourselves, we'll show ourselves to be as serpentine as he is."
"That's why our own sin ought to disturb us. The "works of the flesh"-jealousy, envy, wrath, lust, hatred, and on and on-ought to alarm us the way a tightness in the chest would alarm a man whose father and grandfather had dropped dead at the age of forty of heart disease. it ought to scare us like forgetting the next-door neighbor's name would scare a woman whose mother was institutionalized on her thirty-fifth birthday for dementia. It's easy to deceive ourselves though. The chest pains? They're just indigestion. The forgetfulness? It's just because of a hectic schedule. Even this self-deceit show us our similarity to our reptilian birth father. He, after all, "knows that his time is short" but rages away against God and his Christ anyways (Rev. 12:12)."
"But the New testament addresses former Satan-imagers with good news. It's not just that we have a stay of execution, a suspension of doom. It's not simply that those who trust in Christ have found a refuge, a safe place, or a foster home. All those in Christ, Paul argues, have received sonship. We are now "Abrahams offspring" (Gal. 3:29). Within this household-the tribal family of Abraham-all those who are in Christ have found a home through the adopting power of God."
I think there is so much power in these paragraphs. Now, I could not take a child like the one in this passage, and that is not the point. God made us in his image, but, our image was marred during the fall. That part, unfortunately, isn't all that clear in this passage. What I do really love, though, is the picture it portrays in that last paragraph. We're not just dealt with or appeased. We are given full rights, full sonship. How incredible is that!
"The promise has dawned, and our identity is now found in him. All of us-whatever our background-have been liberated from the old order (Gal. 4:1-5) and from "the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear" (Rom. 8:15). We now come before God as sons as bearing the very same Spirit as was poured out on the Lord Jesus at the Jordan river, a Spirit through which we cry, "Abba!"." (pg. 31)
This is just incredible, don't you think?
"Imagine for a momeny that you're adopting a child. As you meet with the social worker in the last stage of the process, you're told that this twelve-year-old has been in and out of psychotherapy since he was 3. He persists in burning things." (The book goes into more graphic detail that I will spare you from). "[the social worker] continues with a little family history. This boy's father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather all had histories of violence, ranging from spousal abuse to serial murder. each of them ended life the same way, death by suicide. Think for a minute. Would you want this child? If you did adopt him, wouldn't you keep your eye on him as he played with your other children? Would you watch him nervously as he looks at the butcher knife on the kitchen table? Would you leave the room as he watched a movie on television with your daughter, with the lights out?"
"Well, he's you. And he's me. That's what the gospel is telling us. Our birth father has fangs. And left to ourselves, we'll show ourselves to be as serpentine as he is."
"That's why our own sin ought to disturb us. The "works of the flesh"-jealousy, envy, wrath, lust, hatred, and on and on-ought to alarm us the way a tightness in the chest would alarm a man whose father and grandfather had dropped dead at the age of forty of heart disease. it ought to scare us like forgetting the next-door neighbor's name would scare a woman whose mother was institutionalized on her thirty-fifth birthday for dementia. It's easy to deceive ourselves though. The chest pains? They're just indigestion. The forgetfulness? It's just because of a hectic schedule. Even this self-deceit show us our similarity to our reptilian birth father. He, after all, "knows that his time is short" but rages away against God and his Christ anyways (Rev. 12:12)."
"But the New testament addresses former Satan-imagers with good news. It's not just that we have a stay of execution, a suspension of doom. It's not simply that those who trust in Christ have found a refuge, a safe place, or a foster home. All those in Christ, Paul argues, have received sonship. We are now "Abrahams offspring" (Gal. 3:29). Within this household-the tribal family of Abraham-all those who are in Christ have found a home through the adopting power of God."
I think there is so much power in these paragraphs. Now, I could not take a child like the one in this passage, and that is not the point. God made us in his image, but, our image was marred during the fall. That part, unfortunately, isn't all that clear in this passage. What I do really love, though, is the picture it portrays in that last paragraph. We're not just dealt with or appeased. We are given full rights, full sonship. How incredible is that!
"The promise has dawned, and our identity is now found in him. All of us-whatever our background-have been liberated from the old order (Gal. 4:1-5) and from "the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear" (Rom. 8:15). We now come before God as sons as bearing the very same Spirit as was poured out on the Lord Jesus at the Jordan river, a Spirit through which we cry, "Abba!"." (pg. 31)
This is just incredible, don't you think?
Monday, October 11, 2010
update
It has been a very busy month! We have now finished our Mapp training. It was a long two weekends, but, it was worth it! It talked about the behaviors, feelings, and other issues facing children in the foster care system. We're realistic. We're hoping to be placed with an infant. However, we know we might be placed with a child who is 2, 3, or even 4. We're open to what God has for us, and we realize that it might not be an easy position. However, we're so excited to have the opportunity to become parents.
Our paperwork is in too. There was a 17 page profile for me to fill out, a 17 page profile for Steve to fill out, and a 17 page profile for us to fill out as a family. We also each wrote an autobiography, wrote a letter to the birth parents, and a letter to the potential child. We also made a pamphlet fo the social workers so they could get a sense of who we are and what we're looking for.
Our first meeting with our social worker was last Thursday. It seemed to go really well. She's getting to know us. The next one is in 10 days, next Thursday. She'll meet with each of us individually. At that meeting we'll set up our last meeting to discuss exactly what we're looking for now that she knows each of us pretty well. After that third meeting, she'll take a couple of weeks to put all the information into our Homestudy. We're hoping to be approved by Thanksgiving time. After that we'll start waiting... waiting waiting waiting...
Our paperwork is in too. There was a 17 page profile for me to fill out, a 17 page profile for Steve to fill out, and a 17 page profile for us to fill out as a family. We also each wrote an autobiography, wrote a letter to the birth parents, and a letter to the potential child. We also made a pamphlet fo the social workers so they could get a sense of who we are and what we're looking for.
Our first meeting with our social worker was last Thursday. It seemed to go really well. She's getting to know us. The next one is in 10 days, next Thursday. She'll meet with each of us individually. At that meeting we'll set up our last meeting to discuss exactly what we're looking for now that she knows each of us pretty well. After that third meeting, she'll take a couple of weeks to put all the information into our Homestudy. We're hoping to be approved by Thanksgiving time. After that we'll start waiting... waiting waiting waiting...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Blessed
We have been so blessed by family and friends during this whole process. People have been asking about it, encouraging us, praying for us, and blessing us far beyond what we expected. We have been given so many great things. They're such a great support! Here are just a few of the things we have recieved: crib, high chair, bassinet, boppy pillow, changing table cushion, several blankets, towels, and cloth covers, clothes, and books.
I thought I might put some pictures up. Hopefully we will have the nursury finished soon and we can really set things up!
Changes
I am ready to write again. For a while I haven't written anything here. I felt a little silly, and I didn't feel like there was a whole lot to say. Last week a friend suggested I keep a record of this whole process. Little did she know that I had already started. This renewed my desire to keep going and blog the whole journey. That, and the fact that there have been some changes. Good changes.
We had taken one adoption course, the introductory one, in a town near us. It wasn't focused on state adoption, but more on state foster care. At the end of the class the teacher said we should really wait and take a class that was more focused on adoption through the state. We talked it over, and decided it was worth waiting till the fall when we could get in. We thought we had everything all set until our social worker called us up and told us that there wasn't room. They wanted to move us yet again. To make matters worse, she didn't know when the class started, or what night it was going to be.
THEN she told us about the possibility of an intensive MAPP training course. What is an "intensive" course you say? Well, it's two weeks, three nights a week, for a total of 26 hours between the two weeks.
We talked it over. We have to miss a dear friends wedding, and an incredible worship concert at our church. However, the choice wasn't all that hard to make. It's just the first of many sacrifices we'll have to make when we become parents.
Our class starts this coming Thursday, FIVE more days! It will be 6-9 on Thursday, 6-9 on Friday, and 9-4 on Saturday. Then we repeat the same thing the following week. Then we will finally be done class. Instead of taking 10 weeks, it's only 2! Then we get to fill out an enormous survey/questionaire (around 25 pages). After a few visits, we should be all approved and ready to go by late this month or mid-October!
It still makes me crazy when I think about it. Once we're approved, we could get that call at anytime and become instant parents. It will be a crazy and hard adjustment I'm sure. However, it's one I can't wait to make!
We had taken one adoption course, the introductory one, in a town near us. It wasn't focused on state adoption, but more on state foster care. At the end of the class the teacher said we should really wait and take a class that was more focused on adoption through the state. We talked it over, and decided it was worth waiting till the fall when we could get in. We thought we had everything all set until our social worker called us up and told us that there wasn't room. They wanted to move us yet again. To make matters worse, she didn't know when the class started, or what night it was going to be.
THEN she told us about the possibility of an intensive MAPP training course. What is an "intensive" course you say? Well, it's two weeks, three nights a week, for a total of 26 hours between the two weeks.
We talked it over. We have to miss a dear friends wedding, and an incredible worship concert at our church. However, the choice wasn't all that hard to make. It's just the first of many sacrifices we'll have to make when we become parents.
Our class starts this coming Thursday, FIVE more days! It will be 6-9 on Thursday, 6-9 on Friday, and 9-4 on Saturday. Then we repeat the same thing the following week. Then we will finally be done class. Instead of taking 10 weeks, it's only 2! Then we get to fill out an enormous survey/questionaire (around 25 pages). After a few visits, we should be all approved and ready to go by late this month or mid-October!
It still makes me crazy when I think about it. Once we're approved, we could get that call at anytime and become instant parents. It will be a crazy and hard adjustment I'm sure. However, it's one I can't wait to make!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
beginnings
We have decided to go through state public adoption. There are so many needy babies/children. We had gone to one class the beginning of the summer, but it was more for state foster care not state adoption. We decided the best move would be to wait till the fall when we can get into the classes that are more focused on adoption. We still have a lot of questions. One being, Who can watch the child once he or she is placed into our custody?. These specific classes will be more what we need.
It seems so crazy, that it could all happen so fast! It's not the best for my "in charge" and "planned" personality. But, maybe it is exactly what I need. We should be approved by Thanksgiving, if not a little sooner. I can't even really fathom the posibility of having a child by Christmas! I know I have to plan for it to be a year away, sometimes we have to wait for good things. But, sometimes, just sometimes, I get a little carried away.
Next week we will finish the nursery. We need to finish mudding and sanding the room, and then do another coat of paint. I'm excited to have vacation so we can finish painting the mud room, the nursury, the outside of the house, and maybe the dresser. It will feel awesome to get it all done. Once it is done, I can't wait to start slowly putting things into it. One one hand, it is still getting ahead of myself. However, on the other hand, we need to be ready by the time we are approved.
I know this post is a bit "all over the place". However, I feel it is ok because I'm still trying to get it up to speed. :-)
It seems so crazy, that it could all happen so fast! It's not the best for my "in charge" and "planned" personality. But, maybe it is exactly what I need. We should be approved by Thanksgiving, if not a little sooner. I can't even really fathom the posibility of having a child by Christmas! I know I have to plan for it to be a year away, sometimes we have to wait for good things. But, sometimes, just sometimes, I get a little carried away.
Next week we will finish the nursery. We need to finish mudding and sanding the room, and then do another coat of paint. I'm excited to have vacation so we can finish painting the mud room, the nursury, the outside of the house, and maybe the dresser. It will feel awesome to get it all done. Once it is done, I can't wait to start slowly putting things into it. One one hand, it is still getting ahead of myself. However, on the other hand, we need to be ready by the time we are approved.
I know this post is a bit "all over the place". However, I feel it is ok because I'm still trying to get it up to speed. :-)
foolishness
So, I realize this blog might be foolish, but I've wanted to do this for a long time. I wanted to capture my thoughts on this wild ride towards (and someday into) parenthood. I have wanted to be a mom forever. Well, as long as I can remember. When I was 16 I learned that it most likely would not be an easy journey, since I was diagnosed with Turner's Syndrome. This doesn't affect much for me, except say, oh, the ability to have children.
I remember feeling like I was "wierd" or a "misfit". I don't remember, however, feeling angry at the fact that I wouldn't conceive. I trusted that I could have kids whether miraculously through God, or adoption, or other fertility measures. As I grew up I doubted it would even matter, I didn't see myself getting married any time soon. Eventually I met my incredible husband, and mangaged to tell him the personal area of my life. We were married in May of 2008, and for a while we tossed around ideas of what we would do when we were ready to have children.
Eventually, that time came. We started down the very long road of IVF. In March of 2009 we started the testing that would lead to IVF. It was invasive and it was very hard to get an appointment. Things fell through. We reached the end of our affordable possibilities, and by May of 2010 we were ready to go through with Adoption instead.
It was a very hard transition. I had always been fine with adoption. I knew that was the best and most probable option for 13 years before this point. However, we had gotten the run around from the fertility place we were using, and I had gotten my hopes up. I had locked myself out of our house when the call from the fertility clinic came, and it was a rough afternoon for sure. Our anniversary none-the-less. I cried and pittied myself for a couple hours, and eventually came to the realization that GOD is good, and GOD is in control. He knows how I feel, and he placed this desire to be a mom inside me. I have FULL confidence now that God is directing all of this, even when I can't see it. This gives me peace. This is how I begin my blog, at the very beginning of the adoption process.
I remember feeling like I was "wierd" or a "misfit". I don't remember, however, feeling angry at the fact that I wouldn't conceive. I trusted that I could have kids whether miraculously through God, or adoption, or other fertility measures. As I grew up I doubted it would even matter, I didn't see myself getting married any time soon. Eventually I met my incredible husband, and mangaged to tell him the personal area of my life. We were married in May of 2008, and for a while we tossed around ideas of what we would do when we were ready to have children.
Eventually, that time came. We started down the very long road of IVF. In March of 2009 we started the testing that would lead to IVF. It was invasive and it was very hard to get an appointment. Things fell through. We reached the end of our affordable possibilities, and by May of 2010 we were ready to go through with Adoption instead.
It was a very hard transition. I had always been fine with adoption. I knew that was the best and most probable option for 13 years before this point. However, we had gotten the run around from the fertility place we were using, and I had gotten my hopes up. I had locked myself out of our house when the call from the fertility clinic came, and it was a rough afternoon for sure. Our anniversary none-the-less. I cried and pittied myself for a couple hours, and eventually came to the realization that GOD is good, and GOD is in control. He knows how I feel, and he placed this desire to be a mom inside me. I have FULL confidence now that God is directing all of this, even when I can't see it. This gives me peace. This is how I begin my blog, at the very beginning of the adoption process.
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